this is a humorous article presented in the style of popular buzzfeed and similar articles and I hope brings a little joy to the reader. If any offence is taken, please know that isn’t my intention and I hope you’re able to see the funny side. 

The following was recorded directly from an acting seminar in North Wales on how to act like a specialist doctor. The text has been presented in an easy to read format:

“We pride ourselves on rebranding here- sewage workers? Perhaps you’d prefer ‘essential underground sanitary removal operators’? Bus drivers? So mundane, so passé, surely you deserve the nomenclature of ‘skilled mass micro-migration managers’. Et voilà, the role of your dreams is only a new term away. With a flick of the lexicon of possibility, a new world of meaning can be revealed, shifting to reveal new summits and possibilities.

Step 1: recognition of the Palliative patient. 

This is likely to differ depending upon the setting of the patient. Within a surgical setting the patient may have a variety of non-surgically fixable problems. Signs that this has occurred will usually be clear in the notes under the heading-plan: await palliative. In a medical setting the patient may have a longer plan including the use of ‘palliative antibiotics’ and is more likely to have initialisms such as ‘EOL’ followed by -‘tell the patient once palliative review completed’. In some settings the patient may be found in Dante’s first circle of hell-also known as limbo. These patients may be identified by statements such as ‘deteriorating despite all active treatment, guarded prognosis plan-continue current treatment’. These patients are most in need of palliative exorcism.